Our relationships are a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. If we have no love within us, we can’t give it to anyone else. The degree we love ourselves, we love others. To have thriving, loving, healthy relationships we need to deeply love and accept ourselves.
It doesn’t come easy. Maybe when you read this, you don’t even know what I mean. It took me years to understand. Our idea of love is wrong. We always need someone outside of us that makes us fall in love. We fall in love with someone and think that this feeling of love inside is triggered by that person. We see a beautiful landscape and feel this love and inner peace inside. But you can be in love with yourself and life without being married, having a partner, promotion, or vacation. It comes purely from within. But how do we achieve this?
It’s essential to believe in ourselves. We must do this so thoroughly and become aware of thoughts and narratives we constantly tell us – this little voice in our head – that tells us we are not lovable, good enough or smart enough. It’s not about seeing us in a positive light. It’s an honest look at who we are and accept the less ideal parts of our trait, as well. From there we can muster the courage and commitment to start looking deep with us, as our shame, guilt, and lack of self-worthiness to understand why we think this way. We all have scars and bruises, some heal, some will always remain with us. We are all beautiful the way we are. We do not need to “work” on us. What we need to do is not let our past wounds drive our present thinking without us realizing it. We can find the love within us, without being in love. We all love being around people, who love themselves but also know their weaknesses and be okay with it. Perfectionism is not real.
I believe that we all have the desire within us to find love. We just thought we can find it in someone else, in something else. But the feeling always comes from within us.