Culture has taken away our most important job: to get to know us. Everyone else tells us how to live our life by getting married, getting a degree, a house, children, not aspire too much, look a certain way and behave a certain way. But when you truly know yourself, and let go of what everyone else thinks, your life fundamentally changes. Your mind is free. You no longer feel bad when you didn’t get that promotion and disappointed your family. When you decided not to have children but received pressure from your family and society. You only have one life to live and it should be the way you want it. Because when we become resentful, frustrated and angry, we are not aligned with who we are. We do not speak our truth. We are off our path.
To truly know yourself is one of the most important paths you will take in your life – an inner journey to explore yourself and what feels important to you. How will you make important decisions in your life when you don’t know who you are? This is when we talk about our gut feeling. Trust your own voice. No one can make the decisions for you. This is why the pro- and con lists never work out. This is why we can ask all our friends and colleagues but never end up making a decision because they come from their own experience and perspective. They are not us.
Do not ask for permission to be you. Learn how to trust yourself again, that deep inner voice that we learned to ignore because it might not feel rational. But who knows yourself better than yourself. When you enter a relationship not knowing yourself and your needs, its bound to fail. You can avoid immense suffering and pain if you spend time with yourself rather than seeking distractions in relationship after relationship or a career path that is not meant for you.
Maybe your first job is to get in but then its about do I fit in here? Does it fit my personality. That’s why we build a life not a CV. We need to bring our whole self to the workplace and not our professional mask that we wear. Ask yourself if you prefer working in teams or alone. Are you active or okay with a desk job? Do you like routine and consistency or frequent change? Pay attention to what feels good to you and where you truly thrive.
I want to share with you in this article 3 ways to discover your true and unique self. But this is a life long journey because we don’t stay the same. We are not like when we were 16. When we turn 40, we might change again and shift our priorities. Check in with you regularly. Allow yourself time for a retreat with yourself to see how you can create a life that feels authentic to you.
4 Ways to Discover Your True Self
- Realize who you are, not who you want to be.
Experiment and practice. You don’t wake up one morning knowing who you are. Do an internship, join a club or community, learn a new hobby or join a new course online. I used to think that I would be working at a lab mixing chemicals. But one week into my internship, I realized this doesn’t fit who I was. I love outdoors, I am active and need people to interact with me. Me at a lab would have never worked out. That’s why you need to experiment with different things. And there is no age limit for that. I am now working full time in the humanitarian field to solve hunger and poverty but I have become interested in social media, marketing and branding. I have taken courses to acquire new skills. It’s a never ending journey. This is what makes me happy.
- Understand your strength and weaknesses
I recently did a professional self-assessment test with the Tony Robbins Organisation. Tony Robbins is a 6 times bestselling author and was named by the Harvard Business Press as one of the top 200 business coaches in the world. I found out that I am not a data and numbers person. Its true. I don’t have an eye for that. I like strategy and big picture but give me a budget to work on and I am lost. That’s a reality. We cannot be good at everything. Knowing your limits is helpful. It not only makes you humble and understand you need your colleagues and a team to help you out, but I know that I will never be an accountant. When you feel super stressed in your work, maybe its time to move on. Negative stress usually comes from doing things we don’t like and I am not talking about doing our taxes every year. Focus your energy on the things that you like instead of getting stuck in actions that drain you. Its powerful when you know what you are good at and what not.
- Your job doesn’t have to be your passion
Our job doesn’t have to be fully our passion. It pays the bills, we like part of it but not on all days. With Covid-19, job opportunities are not always easy to find. We might also be at a point in our lives where we have limited options because of family reasons. But that doesn’t limit us at all. We can engage in our passion during our free time when we take a painting course or play golf, volunteer in our community or join a book club. This way, you live a well rounded life where you feel you contribute to something that is important to you.
- Ask around
I was wondering where my next duty station would be and a friend of mine told me that I needed a place where I can interact with people easily. I was surprised by his feedback because it was so true and I didn’t realize it before. I do like places where you can easily have a chat with someone, where people are open and friendly and it doesn’t take months to get invited by someone for a BBQ or dinner. It doesn’t mean they are always right but they give you food for thought and a direction to explore and see if it rings true for you.
The best way is to pay close attention to yourself during the day. Do you have moments where you just lose track of time because you are so engaged in a task? Why are you so engaged? Because you are doing it on your own, with people, because its complex or creative work? How do you like spending your day? Are you a morning person? Do you need routine? Do you need free time with friends to relax? What activities do you engage in? What topics are you interested in when watching movies or reading books? What is a subject that you could talk forever about? Start today and pay attention to yourself. Listen and ask others. Do a retreat from time with yourself to take stock of your life.
